Something is shifting within again this week … a gentle calming and a centering of myself in my divinity. A closer walk with God (for me the masculine principle of loving) is entering as I become more fluid and receptive as the divine feminine, intermingling both with all, my world is balanced, centered, and peaceful with love towards all, no matter your particular approach to life today.
And, it took me a while to get here … growing up in the Middle East (many countries), with 3 brothers and a traditional father, I was over the masculine in a big way when I burst out into the world. I was so sick of being bossed, ‘splained, and quieted, that I returned the favor to everyone I was with. I took the lessons of the feminist movement to believe that I was going to be happier and better adjusted if I took my place the way a man does. I lasted about 7 years and then again another 3 to make sure it didn’t work, and then I began my search in earnest for what would work for me. Along the way, I discovered my old approach wasn’t much working for anyone.
Immersing myself in the feminine I found a much happier more settled me, but then spent years of resisting the masculine within, I had a wound that had not healed so I rejected the masculine within me. What I meant to reject was the wounded, needy, or aggressive masculine, what I did reject was all of the masculine. And then, because of the beauty of how the shadow works, completely unaware, I used the wounded masculine over and over when I needed results in my life and could not figure out why I was getting such negative results. Turns out that no one else liked who I became in that choice. But I had no idea that there was a powerful loving masculine within me who would serve the purpose of my feminine impulse and did not need to be entitled and aggressive about it.
I have had a significant number of sexual trespasses in my life from men in my close circle and outside it. It took me a while to understand that the forgiveness of all of that would lead me to find the kind, strong, powerful, and trustworthy masculine within me and in my life. I had to heal and release in order to allow masculine energy to exist at all within me. I didn’t know that masculine (just like feminine) energy came in both healed and unhealed forms. That awareness has lead me to forgive the unhealed, and then to embrace and integrate the healed masculine within and in my life. This is creating much more powerful results for me as I feel the strength and the power of integrating the source of my divinity as both strong, directed, and trustworthy (masculine), and gentle, compassionate and open (feminine).
These capacities and aptitudes do not belong to women or men exclusively, they are not gender-based and do not belong to anyone in any particular form. They belong as an integrated whole through our spiritual connection, our personal selves, and our relationships with others. Traditionally, women have had more of the capacities that are based in a fluid, creative diffuse mental expression, and men have more capacities that are directional, goal-oriented, and structured. With a broader understanding of this dynamic, we are seeing spectrums of blended fem/masc come to the surface and people begin to define themselves based on what is really true for them, sometimes needing to change gender to feel at home, sometimes not.
The time for “women are going to save the world” is over. Speaking for myself, I don’t want to save the world by myself. I don’t want the job, the responsibility or the pressure … all those things bring out the worst in me, and I daresay us all. What a job it is to “save the world”. And who gave it to women?
One of the biggest issues women have is that we take on too much, get overwhelmed, and can no longer function with any kind of grace. Some would say we become men. I beg to differ. I would say, we become both the wounded (fear-based) masculine and wounded (fear-based) feminine. We bounce desperately between pleasing/fainting and aggressive seductive manipulation, outright fighting for what is “ours,” or coercive manipulation to get it.
I don’t want that. I do know what happens when I take on too much. I do know what happens when I don’t use the wisdom of the collective, higher mind to quiet, to sense, to settle, and know what my guidance is in each moment.
The only possibility of shifting anything outside me is to transform inside me, first. That is a huge job. But no matter how well I do the inner work, I must again turn my sights back out the world and integrate with the part of me that then becomes whole in its outward divine expression in the world (the masculine principle).
None of us are one or the other energy. And if we choose that, we are at a serious disadvantage. In most cases, while we are predominantly one or the other, we are better off with the much-needed influence of the other. How can we be with each other if we can’t be with those aspects in ourselves? How can we listen? How can we have compassion when there is not integration with both? A flowing, diffuse, open consciousness that is highly creative is served by having a strong, powerful, directed, goal-oriented consciousness that carries its message, and a powerful, directed, consciousness is served by the openness and collaborative nature of the feminine principle within.
There is no denying this anymore. The two consciousnesses are meant to work together. This can be seen in the partnership to the divine which is a dynamic partnership between receptive (meditation ) and directed (prayer) energies within. (When two are more are gathered…) In our personal selves, we may lean heavily toward one, but we will get nowhere towards transformation until we rely on both. Going within to determine our needs and then coming out to get them met: sleep, food, care, love, they flow to us for sure and best when we know what we need/want and how to work together to get those needs fulfilled. Honoring and respecting the totality of who we are, leads us to the next level of partnership we must rely on, collaboration with others. Once we have made peace within us, we will see how these different energies serve us, and then we will begin to see how, in order to function in our world, to “save the world,” we must (and we will want to) include and integrate both.
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